The Day After Labor Day, She Goes Into Labor...

I’ve caught feelings before…too fast…too soon…this feeling is so déjà vu…I’m reliving the past…but its worst this time…’cause his ex-girlfriend is now in labor with ‘their’ first child…& how could I even be mad? i didn’t even go through with our first attempt…yet I had another man’s child…another man who never even loved me…another man who will never measure up to the man he is…

but I’m upset…I’m upset because she’s still in love with him…& no matter how much he re-assures me that there is nothing going on between the two them anymore…I know that she’ll always be apart of his life…& I’m the jealous type…so of course I assume that no matter what, she’ll throw ‘their’ child in his face…& in the long run, the only right thing to do is choose his family over me…because little does he know…females have a tendency to be devious…& if we want something we’ll do what we have to do to get what we want…so she’ll possibly stop at nothing…

at least that’s what I think…

& I know that he has some doubts…& if I want him to trust my decisions, then I must trust his…yet he’s hurt me plenty of times before…& unfortunately I lack the will to forgive & forget…so I hold on to a lot…& I know that’s not a good thing...i understand that my stubbornness is slowly killing me…but that’s something that I have to live with…& I want so bad to live with him…for the rest of my life…I want a family with him…I want too much…I need too much…& I don’t know how much he’s worth this fight…but I want to stick it out & at least find out…find out if he’s worth these tears…if he’s worth this heartache…because I’m pretty sure im in love with him…& im praying that his words arent in vain when he tells me he’s never stopped loving me…but of course, only time will tell…yet time is of the essence for me…

so I’ll give it a couple of weeks…& I’ll see if he runs back to her…or if he’s planted himself with me…I’m hoping for the latter…cuz if so, im willing to give up everything else that could possibly hold us back in any type of way…-sigh-…

when i got his text...this video clip came to my mind...

enjoy...




*UPDATE*
Jadon was welcomed into this world on 9/9/09 (what a cool bday?!?!) at 4:24pm weighing approx. 6lbs13oz., 20 inches long, head full of hair...lookn just like his daddy!
i'm happy for him! he got his son...now hopefully its nothing but smooth sailing from here on out...
-Shy G.