Today's Her Birthday...

i wrote this blog on 9/28/2006...been 3 years since that day...i wrote this for her...my mother...enjoy...

ok...so here's 2day...september 28th...my mother's birthday...this is the 7th one that's she's missed...she stop having birthdays after november 21st... i really didn't realize what 2day was until my sister called and reminded me...i'm kinda upset she did...
because i HATE days like these...days when i have 2 try and pull out memories of her...and each year it gets harder b/c it's harder to remember her...thank God for pictures...b/c they can not only tell 1000 words....they reveal 1000 memories...but i really can't remember...she seems so vague...so i'm sad...
because a few years from now i might not remember anything about her...i might forget her birthday for good...
i've learned how 2 pray...i guess...she would like that as a gift...i know she would...each year on her birthday since her death...i've still been trying 2 give her a gift...this year it's prayer...i'm way stronger than i was yesterday...she's made me that way...her death has...my father's has made me weaker...i miss her so much
i can't stop thinkin' about her now...i still remember some things...her smile...her hair....smell....i can't remember her kisses or hugs though...i sorta remember her voice...
i'm not crying...and i don't know why...i just can't cry...i can't force a tear out for Momma....but i can force a smile...i have her smile...that's why i'll never forget it...
people tell me to stay strong...people who still have their mother...people who of course can't empathize with me...i'm ok 2day...but 2morrow...i might break down...b/c 2morrow will remind me of today and 2morrow my memory might serve me a little better...and a certain memory of me and her will come to me so clear...and it'll feel just like yesterday...and i'll cry my heart out...b/c i know that i'll never see a yesterday again...and she'll never be in a 2morrow of mine...and as of 2day...i'll be heartbroken...
so i'll always miss her...and i'll always wish her a happy birthday...b/c she's still growing up in my heart...she's still living in me...i will always remember her character...b/c i act just like her...b/c i came from her...and we'll always be bonded...even through death...
damn...i miss that woman...some might say it's hard to love some1 that's not here...but i love her and more each day...as the memory fades my love grows...so one day i might forget her...but our love for each other will bring us back 2gether...some type of way...
we'll always be 2gether...
so...HaPPy BirthDay Momma...I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!!!